


Dr. D's Dragon

by LuthientheDragon



Category: Beowulf (Poem), Beowulf - All Media Types, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Bad Ideas, Bad Writing, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 12:36:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6566428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuthientheDragon/pseuds/LuthientheDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A re-write of the end of Beowulf starring Phineas and Ferb characters. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. </p>
<p>Unlike the original, no major character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dr. D's Dragon

**Author's Note:**

> Reading this, you would assume I wrote this when I was twelve. I was actually seventeen. And I turned it in to the head of my high school English department for a grade my senior year. What was I thinking? (I don't remember failing this assignment, so I guess it wasn't the worst thing she'd seen?) 
> 
> This particular fic is not representative of me as a writer. However, since I don't typically write fanfic (that's anywhere close to finished) and this thing exists I decided it would be my sole contribution to AO3.

A man with brown, rumpled hair in a white lab coat tightened the screws on a mysterious machine. Everything had to be perfect for when the secret agent would arrive. The decorations, the arrangement of the furniture, the hors d’oeuvres (cheese and crackers), but most importantly, the machine (or “inator”, as the doctor lovingly referred to it). Any second he would arrive… any second…

MEANWHILE IN DANVILLE…  


Phineas was worried. He’d been looking for Perry all morning, but he hadn’t found him yet. The fact that Perry had disappeared didn’t worry Phineas. Perry always disappeared at some point during the day. Phineas was worried because Perry hadn’t even eaten breakfast. Perry never missed breakfast. If only Ferb was here to help. Unfortunately, Ferb was at debate camp. Phineas would have to do this alone.

Having now exhausted all traditional methods, Phineas decided to think bigger. He couldn’t use a platypus attractor; there were too many platypuses in Danville, and besides, Ferb had it. Music worked last time, but Phineas wasn’t sure that he could get enough people together quickly enough. He did the only thing he could do. He pulled out the Cuteness Tracker. Hopefully Perry’s cute enough that his signal will overpower all the other ones in Danville, he thought.

Phineas began to follow the cuteness signal through downtown Danville. He stopped when the signals led him to a purple building vaguely shaped like Ferb’s head. That’s a weird building, he thought. Shrugging his shoulders, he went inside.

The signal was coming from the penthouse. As Phineas climbed up the stairs (the elevator was broken), he heard an evil cackle. That can’t be good, Phineas thought. Further up the stairs, Phineas caught part of a conversation. Intrigued, he listened as he crept up the stairs. “You know what, Mr. I’m-Such-A-Cool-Secret-Agent, I’ve had enough of you. Every time you and I fight, I end up in the hospital with forty-second degree burns. Yeah, I asked them, it’s actually a thing. Back in Gimmelschtump, well, pretty much the same thing happened. Only with ocelots. Mama Ocelot really believed in tough love. So I guess that’s an irrelevant point. But anyway, back to the subject. I am sick of you coming and destroying all my -inators. And now, you’re going to feel the burn, Perry the Platypus!”

Phineas gasped. “Perry?!” His beloved pet platypus was held in stocks while a pharmacist stood on a platform above him. The pharmacist went on as if there had been no interruption.

“Behold the Dragon-Power-Stealer-Inator! This machine will suck up the powers of all the dragons in the Tri-State Area.” Perry rolled his eyes. “What? Dragons are real. I found it in a really awesome, totally reliable source- Wikipedia. You can find anything about anything on that site; it’s great. Anyway, once I have the powers of all the dragons, I will keep them contained in that large canister over there. Then I’ll open it, and the powers will belong to me. I’ll be able to breathe fire and fly and do all kinds of awesome stuff. Then I will become ruler of the TRI-STATE AREA!!!!!” The pharmacist was about to push the red button. This could be really bad (assuming Wikipedia was right and dragons are actually real). Phineas knew he had to do something, but what?

“Um,” Phineas asked, “why is Perry wearing a hat?” The pharmacist turned towards him.  
“Who are you?” the pharmacist asked.  
“I’m Phineas. My brother Ferb would be here, but he’s at debate camp. And that’s my pet platypus over there.” The pharmacist looked around, puzzled.  
“What pet platypus?”  
“Perry? You know, the only platypus in the room?” The pharmacist still looked puzzled. “The one with the hat?” The light dawned on the pharmicist’s face.  
“Ohhh, that Perry. He’s your pet?” Phineas nodded. The pharmacist began to laugh. “This is rich! You actually think Perry the Platypus is your pet?! He’s not a pet! He’s a secret agent!”  
“WHAT!!!” Phineas gasped. “That can’t be right. He’s a platypus. They don’t do much.” The pharmacist smiled.  
“Oh, just watch and see.” He pressed the red button. Immediately the room began to shake. “Here they come! Any second now, all the dragon powers in the Tri-State Area will belong to me!” At that exact moment, Perry broke the stocks and charged towards the pharmacist. Phineas almost fainted.

“Perry! You’re a secret agent?!” Perry didn’t answer. He was too busy trying to break the machine with a monkey wrench. The pharmacist smiled with an evil glint in his eye.  
“Don’t even try to break this one, Perry the Platypus. I made it out of unbreakable mundanium infoiodite crystal. You’ll never succeed!” Phineas immediately started running through the room. He was looking for something- the perfect tool. The pharmacist was an inventor; it had to be around here somewhere. Finally Phineas found it- an old sword and a roll of duct tape.  
“Perry,” he shouted, “Catch!” He tossed the sword and duct tape. Perry grabbed them and used the sword to pry open the –inator. He quickly duct taped all the wiring, then grabbed Phineas’s hand and raced out of the penthouse. As Phineas and Perry dashed down the stairs, Phienas heard the pharmacist screaming, “Curse you Perry the Platypus! And you too, triangular-shaped-head boy!”


End file.
